home...

i was 15 years old and we were at a youth rally in ohio... we lived in huntsville alabama and we had some friends up there that we just happen to be visiting that weekend. this family had lost their son about a year before our visit in a horrible drowning one day in a river, just one week after he got married.
we had just moved back to the states from argentina. we lived in rosario for the final 7 years of our 9 years there.
i felt like a fish out of water. i didn't know where to call home.
the song leader led a song that was the only song i really sang that day. i went through the motions on some of the other songs... but this one was coming from my heart. tears filled my eyes. i couldn't ever remember being so connected to a song.
through the past 20 years i've connected to other songs at different times. some have been about heaven, some about life. some about God, some about doubt, some about hope, some about the brokeness of this world, some about the brokeness of my own life.
in the midst of transition, with much uncertainty, pain, and hope surrounding us at any given moment, i found myself in a very familiar place. two weeks ago, larry parker lead a song in worship. it was an older song. not a newer/tomlin song that i'm connecting with alot these days. this was one of those old school ones. tears began to fill my eyes. it's still true. 20 plus years after that sunday in ohio, i'm still on the same journey.
even though i've found patches of home, it's still hard to completely find it. i don't get to lay claim of this some just because i'm a missionary kid... but it does bring a bigger meaning to the song for me.
in the midst of our transition... my heart broke and found hope at the same time as i sang about our hope with the alpine family...

This World Is Not My Home

This world is not my home I'm just passing through

my treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue

the angels beckon me from Heaven's open door

and I can't feel at home in this world anymore
O Lord you know I have no friend like you

if Heaven's not my home then Lord what will I do?

the angels beckon me from Heaven's open door

and I can't feel at home in this world anymore

They're all expecting me and that's one thing I know

my savior pardoned me and now I onward go

I know He'll take me through though I am weak and poor

and I can't feel at home in this world anymore
O Lord you know I have no friend like you

if Heaven's not my home then Lord what will I do?

the angels beckon me from Heaven's open door

and I can't feel at home in this world anymore

Just up in Glory Land we'll live eternally

the Saints on every hand are shouting victory

their song of sweetest praise drifts back from Heaven's shore

and I can't feel at home in this world anymore
O Lord you know I have no friend like you

if Heaven's not my home then Lord what will I do?

the angels beckon me from Heaven's open door

and I can't feel at home in this world anymore

witnessing my dad lead and sing this song from his heart has changed my life. it's given me perspective, longing, and hope.